Even monarchs and heads of giant corporations need good counsel and feedback. Only incorrigible fools refuse to listen, shun criticism, and scare people away from telling them the truth. People like this can't be helped because they can't be reached. They madly rush over cliffs without being able to hear warnings. Everyone benefits from friendships deep and secure enough to shelter fault-finding, honest advice, and a faithful mirroring free from deception. For this role however, trust only those with integrity—the sincere, wise, and loyal.

Although one of our most common activities, we often take conversation for granted and don't give it enough attention. As philosophers from Socrates to Erasmus to Dryden to Ben Johnson quoted, "Speak that I may know you." Our friends, rivals, and associates all judge us mainly by our conversation and it either rises us up or throws us down. In this regard, discretion becomes more important than eloquence. At best and most appropriate, we adapt our words to the minds, feelings, and temperaments of others. With close friends, many prefer spontaneous, casual and ill-considered words. In more substantial circles however, conversation reveals substance and significantly determines outcomes.

To stay in power, rulers need to provide a scapegoat. In spite of best efforts, inevitably some projects will fail, some results won't match expectations, some people will get angry and critical. Small failings will assume undeserved attention while large scale positive results will be ignored. Having an external target for the inescapable resentment, anger, and ridicule that arise from failed ventures enables the possibility of trying new ones.
[Several chapters—3, 31, 88, 125—advise how to avoid becoming a scapegoat but this one suggests creating one. This contradicts Balthasar's general intent and attitude but blends in better if the idea of "scapegoat" is depersonalized and applied to an inanimate system or idea.]

The perceived value of a service or product rarely reflects any intrinsic value; but rather, arises from popular beliefs and impressions. Since few think for themselves and most follow the crowd, worthless and harmful products and activities often proliferate while beneficial ones flounder in obscurity. This obscurity, however, can become an opportunity because almost everyone considers themselves a connoisseur above the crowd and will run after the unusual. Instead of calling something easy or common; a little mystery, a striking name, the feeling of being part of an elite group, an impression of only providing a service or product to a special group—these all raise perceived value and price.

For those who think ahead, most dangers become small problems with no mischances, bad luck, or narrow escapes. Mature reflection can often transform even the most serious challenges into profitable opportunities. Many act first and only consider the consequences after they are already experiencing them and can now only think about excuses. Often people don’t think either before or after. Instead, think both before and after—let your whole life become a continuous process of anticipation, evaluation, reflection, foresight, and searching for the best path.

Our friends, associates, and our whole environment influence us in subtle and mainly unconscious ways. This also influences how others think about us when they see us with these people and situations. When on the way to a higher status—when climbing a social, political, or corporate pyramid—associate with those of more prominence and prestige. The respect they elicit will blend into our own reputation. This process works in reverse, however, when we have already arrived at the higher position: associating with more skillful and more respected people will detract from our own standing. As the sun rises, it becomes harder and harder to see the moon.

Be careful when stepping into a new role that replaces someone greatly respected. Because people more easily forget negative experiences, the past to most seems much better than the present. To avoid being completely eclipsed by a highly-thought-of predecessor, you must either achieve twice as much or create something innovative and unprecedented. A certain amount of esteem comes automatically from just being the first. To equal that when we're not the first requires superior talent, performance, and results. This can also secure our place when a successor takes over from you.

Most people act out roles based on the desired impression they would like to make. Lies almost always come first but most of us immediately believe and accept the superficial and distorted as the truth it almost never matches. That leads to bad choices, unexpected pitfalls, and often disastrous results. Instead, stop being so easily convinced, believing and liking so easily. Suspend judgment, question first impressions, look under the surface. But do this discretely; don't let your suspension of belief cause insult by implying that your source is either a cheat or has been cheated. And too much disbelief is an indication of a liar who never believes and should also never be believed. A similar dynamic plays out with being impressed by, loving and liking people. Lies come from actions and objects as well as words.

The wise learn to master their emotions but only to a middle-way point. An excess of self-control leads to an insipid life but not enough leads to disaster. Emotions can serve us well if we learn to prudently reign them in by using the energy but not letting it go too far. Learn the art of falling into and quickly getting out of anger. Learn how to stop at the right moment by paying attention, acknowledging the feeling, and taking command over your tempers. Any excess of passion leads to less rationality and more negative consequences. The faster we let anything go, the more difficult to slow and stop it. A proverb says, "No one is wise on horseback" but the skillful and wise accomplish this challenge.

Although a large amount of success in life depends on the goodwill of friends; although to a large extent we're judged because of our friends; although wise friends help us prevent and chase away troubles while foolish ones invite and encourage them; although choosing good friends is one of the most important things we do in life; few carefully select their friends. Most people find their friends by chance, because of the circumstances that haphazardly throw us into the same room. Instead, choose friends wisely. Look below the surface and see their true selves; don't rely on words but test them in the world of experience; see through the mirage of skillful entertaining, pleasure-seeking, and the myriad forms of seduction. The insight and good wishes of a true friend easily becomes one of the most valuable resources in life.

Study people with as much attention and time as you would study an important book. Instead of accepting the polished surface, look deeper into the more rough-cut reality. As with buying a product, better to be cheated by the price than by the quality. But with merchandise, it's much easier to ascertain the truth. Understanding people to this degree requires a very open mind as well as discipline and penetrating intelligence.

Good relationships multiply the sweetness of life and divide its sourness. The best prevention and remedy against misfortune, there is no wasteland or desert like living without friends. Few know how to choose them wisely and not many can become good friends. It takes skill and discretion to wisely engage their support. Some thrive best when at a distance, some when close by. Some communicate best in person, some with correspondence. Old, tested, and well-salted relationships become like a breath of fresh air for the soul and keeping them becomes much more important than finding new ones.

Epictetus taught that the ability to put up with fools represents half of all worldly wisdom and deserves a place as our most important rule of life. The ability to "suffer fools gladly" with an emphasis on the "gladly" leads to a deep inner peace that can create more happiness in the world. It requires, however, an uncommon patience and acceptance. Harder for the wise because they more clearly see folly and foolishness, we must often put up with the most from those most close.

You can always add a word to a conversation, but you can never take one away. Those who speak too quickly tend to also quickly fail. So be careful speaking; talk like you were testifying in court or writing your will. This can keep ammunition away from rivals and save your reputation with others. Practice with small and inconsequential conversations and you will be ready for the important and consequential ones. Reserve attracts respect.

Faults—everyone has them and, although often seen clearly, attachment keeps them in our lives. We have irrational loves for avoidable failings that infect our talents (the more talent, the more likely corruption) and degrade our reputations. Even more visible to others, our defects easily overshadow our good qualities and repel people we would like to impress. Although unavoidable and part of who we are, we can become more aware of our imperfections and channel their energy into a deeper kind of integrity.

The highest praise goes to those who speak well about those who speak badly about them. Indulge in envy and die not once but every time the envied wins applause. The glory and success of rivals tortures the envious. A lasting fame for a rival creates an eternal punishment for the jealous. To be made unhappy by another's happiness creates one of life's greatest torments. Instead, disengage from competitive rivalries and focus on the positive, practical ways of finding success.

You cannot become successful without many people failing. The misfortunes of others creates your luck. Therefore never let your sympathy for others' suffering convince you to become involved with their fate. Involvement with the unfortunate can easily pull you down to the same level. Often those envied and despised when successful become pitied with useless support when unfortunate and failing. (cf. #64)

Know the ground you stand on and throw straws in the air to see the wind. Most success depends on support so test for the likelihood of support before seriously starting a new venture. Before deciding, asking, or implementing; float trial balloons and listen carefully to the feedback. Critical when endorsements seem questionable, this process can also gauge and adjust the level of our own confidence and support. With more foresight, we can choose more intelligently which projects to abandon and which to embrace.

In our quests for success; forbidden, cruel weapons and techniques may give a temporary advantage but the honorable do not use them. We may not be able to avoid conflict in life but we can avoid meanness and hatred. When we respond to an enemy's attack with malice, we let them control us and win on the reputation front if not the physical one. Using a confidence from old friendships turned into enemies displays a kind of treason that destroys honor and prevents trust and respect. Victories gained with great costs to our character and self-respect quickly become embarrassing failures. The wise win not only in external ways but also on the psychological fronts.

Find and work with people and organizations that follow up good words with good deeds. Bad words without bad deeds create enough badness; but, good words followed by bad deeds bring about worse situations. We can't eat empty-like-the-wind words and only the very foolish accept them as payment. Like the difference between a friend who values us because of who we are compared to someone who values us because of our wealth or title or position, we can distinguish polite or deceptive words with no likely action from words based on sincerity and commitment.